What your teenager needs

Young people going through the process of adolescence need what they have always needed from their parents. They want your love, your support, your encouragement, your nurture, acceptance and attention. The difference for teenagers is that while children need their parents to be in the lead, pulling them along, directing their steps and making the important decisions, teenagers need to be side by side. Teenagers need ‘helpful attention’ rather than protective attention. What teenagers want as much as when they were little is your love, your care, your respect and your attention. They want to be noticed by you. Too often, because teenagers are being moody and withdraw into themselves, we respond by ignoring them. Ignoring bad behaviour and not rising to it is one thing; ignoring the person who is annoying us is another. And it can become a pattern, where they mope so we ignore them so they mope even more, convinced we don’t care. Teenagers still want to spend time together with their parents. Yes, of course they’d like to be on their mobiles or computers, playing games and communicating with their mates, all hours of the day and night. And given the chance, they want to be with them too, either at each other’s homes or out together. But they also still value family time - round a table eating together, watching television as a family, even going out with you.

Being a supportive parent means having your child’s best interests at heart but also being present, involved and helpful. It includes:

·         actively encouraging them to do their best with school, their hobbies and interests

·         listening without judgment and seeking to understand their concerns and challenges

·         acknowledging their achievements and supporting them through mistakes and challenges

·         setting consistent expectations and consequences to help them to feel secure and able to predict outcomes

·         treating them fairly and developing a trusting relationship.