Young
people going through the process of adolescence need what they have always
needed from their parents. They want your love, your support, your
encouragement, your nurture, acceptance and attention. The difference for teenagers
is that while children need their parents to be in the lead, pulling them
along, directing their steps and making the important decisions, teenagers need
to be side by side. Teenagers need ‘helpful attention’ rather than protective
attention. What teenagers want as much as when they were little is your love,
your care, your respect and your attention. They want to be noticed by you. Too
often, because teenagers are being moody and withdraw into themselves, we
respond by ignoring them. Ignoring bad behaviour and not rising to it is one
thing; ignoring the person who is annoying us is another. And it can become a
pattern, where they mope so we ignore them so they mope even more, convinced we
don’t care. Teenagers still want to spend time together with their
parents. Yes, of course they’d like to be on their mobiles or computers,
playing games and communicating with their mates, all hours of the day and
night. And given the chance, they want to be with them too, either at each
other’s homes or out together. But they also still value family time - round a
table eating together, watching television as a family, even going out with
you.
Being a
supportive parent means having your child’s best interests at heart but also
being present, involved and helpful. It includes:
·
actively
encouraging them to do their best with school, their hobbies and interests
·
listening
without judgment and seeking to understand their concerns and challenges
·
acknowledging
their achievements and supporting them through mistakes and challenges
·
setting
consistent expectations and consequences to help them to feel secure and able
to predict outcomes
·
treating
them fairly and developing a trusting relationship.